suddenly, green night skies over baghdad
POW
pilots in
Iraq enduring torture
January 17, 1991 The second attack of shakiness and dread came yesterday when the Iraqis
succeeded at making their first attack on Israel. Israel did refrain from
making a retaliation while taking lots of bows and accepting fawning thanks
from Bush. Today, just 2 hours ago, however, there has been the second
attack on Tel Aviv and, in spite of the fact that there were only very
slight injuries to a handful of people, it's being widely assumed that
Israel will retaliate, in spite of the intense danger this will cause,
the threat to the cohesion of the coalition.
I feel myself pulling back from this situation, detaching myself. Lots
of philosophical thoughts going through my mind regarding loss-first material
loss, and now possibly human loss. The urge to do something has been tremendous,
and not being able to do anything, to throw a fit. But the realization
that I can't do a single thing is settling in. Now that the second attack
on Israel has taken place and the tension about their likely retaliation
and all the repercussions to that taking place, I am here writing this,
feeling numb, resigned. Feeling that even if the most horrible world-wide
scenarios occur and that those personally affect me, that what will be
will be. Feeling that death comes eventually, as does change. It's a letting
go, I guess. Perhaps the ACCEPTANCE I've been seeking to attain to the
world. This sounds overdramatic, and probably is, yet I can't explain
my own complacency in any other way. I am giving up, sadly, finally, on
my old life in Kuwait-a life of ease, relative luxury, and seeming security.
I feel that this war is digging an unbreachable gulf between myself as
a Westerner and the Arab world I love so much and feel so comfortable
in.
I fantasized that the dentist was my torturer. Of course, I didn't feel
anything, but imagining what it would feel like and that the POWs
were probably suffering terrible pain was too much for the moment. The
dentist and nurse had to sit and wait while I collected myself.
The news is being reported from Baghdad showing newspapers there reporting
Iraqi victory-that the Allies are being routed completely. And it seemed
that people were believing that news-perhaps deluding themselves-over
the BBC and VOA radio reports.
I was watching an afternoon talk show on
the 6" b/w TV which I borrowed from my sister, partly waiting for any news
bulletins. At about 3:45 PM a special report came on with the report from
a correspondent in a Baghdad hotel, who was calling in with the news that
something was happening, that anti-aircraft fire was being shot up all over
the sky, lighting up the night over baghdad. The reporter said that no planes
were visible, which gave me the momentary hope that it was a reaction to
a false alarm, but then, in just a few minutes, came the White House announcement
that "the liberation of Kuwait has begun." I felt weak, very shakey, during
that first half hour, sick to my stomach, filled with terrible dread.
January 28
Experience at the dentist last week:
As I was all tucked into the dentist chair ready to get a crown, having
taken Activan, an anti-anxiety medication, and getting nitrous oxide fed
through a mask into my nose, the dentist, instruments in hand, said "open
wide" and the usual jitters set in. But this time also tears, tears of
shame that I was so afraid of pain, having had Activan, gas, and Novacaine,
and that the POW pilots in Iraq were no doubt having to endure torture,
terrible pain, at the hands of furious Iraqi military.
February 25
They're burying the dead Iraqis in shallow graves in the battlefield in
Southern Iraq and presumably in Kuwait, without markers. Will picnickers
in the desert in years to come be liable to stumble across human bones?
How will the families of those dead know where their people are? [Read
an article which appeared in the UAE Gulf News in December 18,
1999 that shows how this prophesy came true...]
Šjanice adams
liberation day
kuwait
travel writing
abu dhabi
family photos album
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